Barbara Bretton: Wish You Were Here

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The Food Goddess is in the Kitchen! I am delighted beyond words to present my friend, my pal, Kali Amanda Browne (daughter of the beauteous and talented Marie) aka The Food Goddess. Enjoy!

Coquito: The Puerto Rican Eggnog.

Rum is a staple in Puerto Rico. This requires a little history, because I know stuff . . . (There's a big payoff, so stick with me!)

Puerto Rico is the biggest producer of rum in the world. The list of rums, from mixers to delicate liquid gold that rivals the world's finest brandies, include familiar names like Bacardi, Palo Viejo, Don Q, Ron Llave, Licor 43, and El Barrilito. And because Puerto Rico's sugar cane crop is a year-round production, more entrants come into the mix to cover all price ranges and quality levels.

Columbus brought sugar stalks to the New World from the Canaries and by 1501 they started to sprout in Puerto Rico. Shortly afterward, even Ponce de León started his own little crop in his backyard! By the mid-1500s the first hydraulic sugar mill begins operating in my hometown of Bayamón. In the 1650s, rum production begins once the Spaniards realize the discarded molasses product may be distilled into sweet, sweet rum and this stuff can alter your senses in ways wine and ale doesn't begin to compare!

At the dawn of the 19th century, rum became Puerto Rico's chief export. By 1898, the United States took over the governance of the island and rum sales skyrocketed (I swear there's no agenda in that statement, just the facts). In 1954, a Puerto Rican iñvented the Piña Colada (there are conflicting stories, but who cares: bless the soul of the hombre macho who brought us that wonderful concoction). Today, almost ¾ of the rum consumed in the U.S. - well over 20 million gallons per year - is manufactured in Puerto Rico.

Now you can impress your friends with Cliff Clavin knowledge of Puerto Rican rum!

The traditional beverage of the holiday season is called Coquito (which means little coconut). It's basically eggnog with rum. I will provide perfectly fine recipes for the adventurous amongst you. The real secret of authentic coquito involves a real coconut and an illegal distillation called cañita or pitorro (little cane). I knew of a guy in Spanish Harlem, goes by the name of Snake who is apparently an awesome provider. I could call people. But these will do in a pinch. It's sweet and coats your throat with the finesse of a tenor sax. Then it burns all the way down to the pit of your stomach - simulating high-grade lust, a thunderbolt and ecstasy in one gulp! And it leaves you with a lovely glow of a thousand exploding stars under a cool Caribbean night at the beach.

Two recipes (with and without eggs) from Chiff.com
Hip Mama's version of coquito.
Rosie Perez's coquito, made for Martha Stewart (with no eggs).

¡Féliz Navidad! Even if you don't celebrate Navidad, you will be féliz in ways you never expected. Trust me. ¡Salud!

*Photo courtesy of hispanicprwire

You can email me at kali.templeofdoom@gmail.com.