Barbara Bretton: Wish You Were Here

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The Food Goddess is in the Kitchen! I am delighted beyond words to present my friend, my pal, Kali Amanda Browne (daughter of the beauteous and talented Marie) aka The Food Goddess. Enjoy!

Tomato Thief

I started my life of crime as a tomato thief.

My grandfather kept a garden and grew the most beautiful tomatoes. He tended to the soil and the vines with almost religious fervor – which is an astounding statement because the man was an avowed atheist.

I, like my Latin American ancestors, revered the tomato and watched intently as the tiny green fruit slowly turned into a succulent, red temptation… The tomato was the apple to my Eve!

At age two, I waited patiently for this one tomato that Papi was cultivating and for which he had some serious plans. He'd water it and trim it, and for the only time in his life, he even hummed to it.

One day, a gloriously crimson, firm and lovely tomato shone in the sun and called out to me. I obeyed, went into my grandmother's kitchen and "stole" her salt shaker and the bottle of vinegar.

I sat in the sun, next to the tomato plant. I plucked the fruit from the vine and bit into it, its juices rolling down my chin, down my chest and all over my little sundress. I sprinkled some salt over the tomato and took another bite, this time making its juices run down my arms as well. Next, I tucked the tomato on my lap, opened the bottle of vinegar and tried to sprinkle some of that over the tomato. There was probably more vinegar on my legs and dress than on the tomato and I probably wasted half the bottle, but I seasoned my ill-gotten fruit and took another bite. I was in absolute heaven!

Then my grandfather exited the house and caught me, quite literally, red handed – the evidence not dried yet. He was incensed. I had never seen that man angry and this was quite shocking to me. At one point I think he was speaking in tongues he was so mad! Then he swatted me in the butt (the one and only time he ever raised his hand to me).

I never stole another tomato. I moved on to bigger and better crimes – apparently, the tomato incident was my gateway. I buy tomatoes now, paying cold hard cash earned in service to the community; but I still love them with a special passion.

These days you may purchase tomatoes year-round, but some of us retain the memory of seasonal harvests and summer is primetime for tomatoes. This is when the lovely folks across the river send us their best, ripe and decadent best! Thank you, New Jersey.

There are two sure recipes that will grace our table this summer. One is a fresh tomato sauce – which simply consists of sautéed garlic, capers and chopped fresh tomatoes heated through so that it retains a certain bite and its basic form. Many fresh herbs love to make their presence known in this recipe to give it a slightly different bite: parsley, dill, basil, scallions, chives, tarragon, mint... A dash of vinegar brings out the sweetness and the olive oil gives it a little creaminess. Fresh cracked pepper gives it zing. It is lovely with pasta.

The other was quite a revelation the first time we tried it. We put a hefty tomato slice inside a hamburger (it works with some cheese too) – a stuffed burger with a sweet and juicy surprise in the center!

I would also suggest stuffing the tomato with pesto and prepared couscous, and running through the microwave on high for 4 or 5 minutes as a quick and really obnoxious centerpiece. Better yet, steam it or poach it. Tomatoes are forgiving and even if you overcook them, beat them to a pulp or mush them beyond recognition, it will taste divine. The sort of delicate and alluring taste that might drive some to crime…

You can email me at kali.templeofdoom@gmail.com.